Completely out of it

Sometimes...things in the world are just unfair, and no matter what you wish you could do, no matter what you want to do, it just won't change anything.

What if the person you really like and want to hang out with is already hanging out with two other people and is leaving at the end of the week because of someone's funeral during the weekend?

What if one of the people who she's hanging out with is someone you find completely annoying, and knowing the fact that he gets to hang out with her and you don't makes you hate them even more because HE gets to hang out with her and you don't?

What if you, yourself, know that she would rather hang out with that one person more than they would want to hang out with you? Doesn't that just make you annoyed and frustrated and just want to take out your anger by emotionally/physically hurting yourself or in some other shape or form of inflicting pain?

What if you no matter what you did that night that you received all this information, no matter what you did, not even doing your favorite hobby, could kick you out of this frustration/being upset because all you really want to do more than anything else (even the #1 thing you like to do) is to hang out with that person which will never happen before school starts?

Lastly, what if just this one thing...this ONE thing, completely destroys the rest of your break and places you in a mental situation that you just don't want to do anything, don't have interest in anything, just lay in bed and hope you can sleep for the entire week up until school starts?

Well..the only reason why I named these 'what ifs' is because that's exactly what happened to me last night. One of my friends, told me that the girl that I currently like right now is hanging out with another one of her guy friends right before she leaves again to attend someone's funeral. I know the guy doesn't even want to hang out with her that much, or he possibly does but I know less than me. That guy is also some Junior who I find to be super annoying (he was in my advanced digital animation class last year and he sat right beside me) and he gets to hang out with her before she leaves, and that leaves me with nothing. After my friend told me this last night, I had lost appetite for dinner, my mom noticed something was wrong with me but I told her I was just tired, went out driving for the night for 2 hours but I didn't get to do what I wanted so it was a complete failure. Up until now, this morning when I woke up, I'm completely out of it. I just want to sleep through the rest of break because what's the point of staying up? The thing that I want to do now more than anything else, won't happen. I wanted to go test driving at the beginning of break and get my car fixed, none of those happened. Took my car into a shop recommended by my relatives, they didn't do shit. All they told me was I was driving the car wrong and to practice it more. I've been driving that car for more than 5 months, I'm pretty sure I know the car well, but NO they told me that I DIDN'T know how to drive it well yet. So my car didn't end up getting fixed and I still haven't test drove any cars yet. Well guess what? I don't have any interest in any of those anymore...I don't even want to go out driving, because that's not what I want to do right now. I spent my entire break waiting for this specific person to come back (she had told me the approximate date), not knowing the fact that she came back a few days earlier from her trip because something happened, and now I don't get to hang out with her because she's leaving again to that exact same place on Thursday and she is unable to hang out with me because she's already hanging out with some other guy. My thoughts on all of this? Fuck this, I hate my life right now.